You Might be Computer Illiterate...

• you slide the mouse pad over when the mouse gets to the edge.
• there is writing on the white-out on your screen
• you can't figure out what a colon followed by a minus sign and a parenthesis means :-)
• someone asks you how to cut and paste, you say "just use scissors and glue."
• you try to squash your disk to compress files in it.
• you scream "Bloody hell! What have i done wrong THIS time, you ***** computer?" every time your computer spits out "error".
• you own your computer only 5 minutes before you crash it.
• you try to find a game and can't, and you hit the monitor and scream, "Why won't you work?!?"
• when the screen saver comes on you're almost positive that your computer really did crash this time .
• if there is white out on your computer screen.
• if you don't use Windows because you religiously don't believe in icons.
• you wonder who General Protection Fault is and what the hell the army wants from you.
• the only reason you hang out with that *geek* next door is because he will fix you computer for free
• you think your mouse is a foot pedal
• you think the computer from which virus came actually created the virus (it's all a conspiracy).
• you think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
• you think the "escape" key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.
• you don't know where the "any" key is.
• you try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
• you use AOL disks as coasters. 
• you've used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
• you think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
• you think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
• you've ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
• you've ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
• you went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies...
• ...and you really needed it.
• you think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to.
• Someone gives you a 5-1/4" Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2" Drive and wonder why the drive doesn't work.
• You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an "Illegal Operation" error on your computer screen.

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